THERE'S LEVELS TO THIS SH!T
11 JANUARY 2022 (12 MIN READ)
“Cause it’s levels to this shit.” - Meek Mill
Although a simple phrase repeatedly shouted in a rap song, Meek Mill touches upon one of the most meaningful truths: that there really are levels to this shit we call life. Although he was more so using the metaphor to reference wealth and status, as well as “getting bitches,” the concept of levels is crucial for understanding spiritual development. I believe if the healing process was simplified in 3D form, it would look exactly like a spiral. And that’s because we have to go through the same painful situations, or triggers, over and over again until they get fully healed. The stages of the spiral can be equated to levels. Using a metaphor with levels, consider the game Super Mario Bros. With each level within a world, you get more skilled at using your powers to reach the objective of getting to that flag—obtaining freedom in the process. Then all those skills are put to the test against the final level, having to defeat the ever so powerful Bowser in the process. And if your skill set proves too weak, and you are unable to beat Bowser, then you have to start the whole world over again. Now, plugging in metaphorical variables, let’s say the Mario world is a specific point of trauma. Each level is a trigger within that trauma and the skills in the game are your skills at dealing with internal pain; Bowser acts as the final test as to if you can live free of the trauma, and Mario is you.
Showcasing the power of this metaphor, let us use one of my points of trauma to see how I played the game of Mario. In short, my mother was not emotionally present in my life as a kid, making me feel as if my internal needs were never met from the feminine. This trauma forced me to develop anxious attachments and needy behaviors in romantic relationships—wishing to be tied to my partners’ hip at all times. Furthermore, I would get controlling and emotionally abusive if I sensed they were being distant, which resulted in me being a huge dick in the process. Funnily enough, I had no clue about any of this until I went to therapy; I genuinely believed I was being a good boyfriend. Then, awareness smacked me in the face and I realized that I was acting from my childhood trauma. Once awareness of an unconscious wound arises, that is when the game of Mario starts. That light bulb being sparked in the brain is the same as pressing the power button on one's Nintendo system. The first level begins as soon as a trigger stemming from the trauma emerges.
For me, the first level was my partner leaving her phone behind without telling me, as she went on a long walk with some of her friends. Immediately, since my calls were not answered for hours, I was catapulted back in time to my mother leaving unannounced for long periods of time with all the painful emotions that came back. The thoughts that entered my mind were of deep unworthiness and anger towards my partner. The minute you believe any of those thoughts is the minute you step on a poisonous mushroom—causing you to lose the level and start over. I believed the thoughts and got pissed at my partner, blaming all of my negative emotions on her and making her feel awful. Needless to say, I failed that level miserably.
After a while, I started getting the hang of things and began beating the levels. I developed tools that helped me with getting through the triggers (or levels) and I felt awesome when I reached the end without getting angry at myself or my partner. Then, out of fucking nowhere, a monster trigger came, where I had to really put my skill set to the test. Just like when you meet Bowser—you are asked to step up to the task and put in everything you have learned. I failed that boss level a couple of times, but I eventually cracked the code and defeated Bowser, allowing love to win over my ego. Nevertheless, a whole new world of trauma arose once I defeated the last one, revealing to me how, unlike the game of Mario, this game never fucking ends. And that’s why it’s so important to know that there really are levels to this shit.
But the levels are infinite and you have to learn to be ok with that.
To assist you in the game of life, learn this cheat sheet for whenever you enter a new world of trauma.
DIVE IN HEAD FIRST
Picture yourself when you first got your Game Boy, or first Nintendo system, and Super Mario Bros finally downloaded. The excitement was uncontrollable, and you could not wait to start playing. And even though you sucked at first, you just wanted to keep getting better so you could continue leveling up. This entailed failing with a smile and getting up over and over again. Keeping on with the previously described metaphor, the same exact philosophy should be applied once you gain awareness surrounding your trauma and how it’s affecting your life. You may act like an ass sometimes and fail when the triggers arise, but that’s ok. You just have to keep getting up and keep trying your best to overcome them. Most importantly, it’s essential to laugh at and be easy on yourself throughout the process. And similar to Mario, with each mistake you learn how to get stronger, allowing yourself to get better at handling your trauma. For example, let’s say a mushroom came out of a specific pipe and killed you. Next time, since you are now aware of that mushroom’s presence, you can easily jump over it and continue on. In terms of the trauma, that mushroom can be a negative thought or blaming someone else. But now that you have made that mistake and felt how much worse it feels to go down that route, you can jump over that obstacle and continue your search for personal freedom.
In terms of dealing with trauma, it’s hard to put into words how important it is to be open to failure and being able to continue getting back up. You need to fail continuously when it comes to your triggers because it helps knowing what solutions do not serve you. If I allowed my coping mechanisms to continue being external blame and internal hatred, I would be a significantly more miserable person. But by not settling for that solution and failing over and over again, I found what works for me, leveling up in the process. And in terms of getting back up, what’s the other option? Staying down, which equates to defeat or immense depression. So if you want to keep moving forward and become a stronger version of yourself, get the fuck back up and keep fighting. If you quit a level of Mario, where does the level go? It stays there until you come back and beat it. The same goes for any trigger point stemming from trauma.
GET ANGRY
Within the world of video game players, there’s a popular concept called “rage quitting,” where a player throws an emotional fit because they keep losing. (Watch any bit of this video for reference). And I’m sure, if you have ever played Mario, you have experienced this immense internal rage. In the process of dealing with trauma and painful triggers, you are also going to possess an immense amount of internal rage, especially when the triggers cause you to do something you are not proud of—which can be equated to “losing” a level in the metaphor. So, just like you did as a kid, or those beautiful people did in that video, throw a fucking fit and release the rage. However, it is important to make the emotional release intentional. To do so, situate yourself in a time and place where the trigger was first created, aka the true source of the pain. For me, in terms of the trauma I had with the feminine, I had to place myself in the room where I was continuously abandoned as a kid. Once I was there, I felt whatever my inner child was feeling in that moment and pushed it all out of me. I released the pain, while picturing myself holding the hand of my inner child—with both of us emotionally releasing at the same time.
I believe that childhood triggers serve as an opportunity to be the parent you never had as a kid—making them the biggest healing opportunities out there. And just how releasing your rage in a video game will make you more present when you return—by getting rid of the charged energy that causes distraction—so will releasing the pain from the trigger.
CONSULT YOUR ELDERS
We all had that one older friend or cousin who was a fucking beast at Mario, beating whatever levels you couldn’t and showing you helpful tips along the way. My older cousin was that for me, and without him, I would have never become the skillful Mario player I am today. The same exact strategy should apply to dealing with a certain trauma. Whatever that trauma may be, I can promise you that you are far from alone in dealing with it. Even better, people who have overcome and mastered that specific form of trauma exist in the world. Just like my cousin knew the tricks to beat every level and eventually conquer the world, people who have overcome deep traumas understand how to deal with triggers and beat the trauma overall, restoring their true identity in the process. Similar to my cousin teaching me those tricks, by consulting trauma specialists or reading the work of trauma specialists you can learn the tools to beat your own triggers and own your pain. Personally, without the mentors I have consulted in my life surrounding healing childhood trauma, I would not be the man I am today. It would have taken me a whole lot longer to conquer that side of myself. However, to get to this place, you have to come to terms with the reality that you kind of suck at dealing with your own trauma. By going to my cousin for help, I had to own that I was truly awful at the specific Mario world I was stuck on. If I pretended like I was a beast and didn’t mind my stagnation, I would have never beat the world. In terms of the trauma, you need to accept that you need help to progress—getting cocky and stubborn will only hold you back. Yes, the end goal is self-reliance, but you will need some help along the way to get there.
KEEP FUCKING GOING
As I stated in the introduction, unlike Super Mario Bros, there are infinite worlds that you will have to overcome in real life. As worlds correspond with traumas in the metaphor, this means that there are infinite traumas that you will have to work through in life. And that’s the beauty of it. But the trick is within the mindset; we have no choice but to see the beauty within the chaos. Just like when you were a kid and you beat one world of Super Mario Bros, you got so excited to start a new one. The same elevated mentality has to be applied to life. You may be thinking that I’m some masochistic asshole who enjoys constantly suffering, but let me present you with one powerful point to change your mind. Undealt with traumas unconsciously color the world we see, suggesting that the more we clear them from our bodies, the more present we can actually be, rather than constantly watching our own editorialized movies. In other words, every time you work through a trauma, you are increasingly allowing yourself to experience life for what it really is. For instance, going back to the trauma with my mother, I had no idea that my relationships were a reflection of the pain I experienced as a kid; I just thought that love was meant to be that way. This naive understanding of love led me to be in several toxic relationships without even realizing it. But once I worked through that trauma, I started experiencing what love was really all about—handing me the biggest gift in life.
After understanding what it’s like to experience life outside of trauma, I was ready to go head first into any other trauma residing within myself, because I knew nothing but beauty resided on the other side. Yes, it may suck to go through deep pain, but it really is worth it in the end. And that’s why I recommend to keep fucking going whenever you overcome a trauma. People keep going with the worlds in Mario due to freedom lying on the other side—in the form of beating the whole game. And beating the game is a great feeling since you had to overcome so many obstacles to get there. Similarly, deep freedom is on the other side of trauma and you have infinite worlds inside of yourself to keep obtaining that amazing feeling. Furthermore, knowing that you had to overcome so many difficulties to get there makes it that much better, handing you legitimate personal freedom in the process. So, to maintain that level of liberty within yourself, KEEP FUCKING GOING.
BONUS SECTION: MUSHROOMS
I couldn’t make it through this article without dedicating a little section to that magic mushroom in Mario. That mushroom may be the most realistic part of the metaphor, in terms of its correspondence with life. Whenever I take mushrooms, usually a microdose, I feel like I can go through life with much more trust in myself and the universe, increasing my levels of self-love, relaxation, and resilience in the process. This change leads me to fear failure less, be less stressed, and have more confidence in myself to overcome personal obstacles. Now, what does the mushroom do in Mario? It increases your size and gives you an extra life. I’m not suggesting that mushrooms will save you from dying. However, I am implying that through having this knowledge that you have an extra life in the game—you fear failure less, you relax more, and you can have more confidence in yourself to beat the level. Sound familiar? You tell me.
Disclaimer: I can only speak from my own personal experience with psychedelic mushrooms, so please do not take this as medical advice. Always consult a professional before altering your brain chemistry.
