HOW TO BE THE HERO OF YOUR OWN STORY
8 MARCH 2022 (13 MIN READ)
We have all watched superhero movies and become envious of the protagonist, wishing to suddenly transform into a hero and having the whole world love us. What if I told you that this is entirely possible, but not in the way you might think. Carl Jung argues that any form of mythology is an unconscious reflection of the inner processings of man. In other words, myths and stories are created as an unconscious mechanism to work through an inner battle. Thus, if we all relate to the myth in front of us, then to some degree, we are facing the same issue at the core of it and have the ability to defeat it. And no, I don’t mean gunning down an evil killer, but rather, the metaphor behind the story, which is always the usage of light to defeat shadow. In terms of how it relates to you, a myth can be understood as an internal journey inside one’s body to defeat the shadows of the ego through the light of spirit. And the process of defeating one’s demons is the metaphorical story of the hero. Thus, by venturing into the unknown territory of your unconscious mind, where most of the ego lies, you will confront some demons, which puts you in the position of embarking on the hero’s journey. But how you come out of it is dependent on how well you follow the rules of the game.
In his analysis of the hero archetype in Man and His Symbols, Jungian psychologist Joseph L. Henderson lays out the four stages of the hero. In my own words, the stages consist of the devious infant, the socialized man, the journey of the hero, and death. Henderson argues that one must complete each stage to become a hero, suggesting that if one is left out the chances of achieving that goal go out the window. In terms of the devious infant, this level entails being the spoiled child whose physical desires control their behavior, which can extend well into adulthood if left unchecked. The next stage, the socialized man, consists of getting rid of this egoistic way of living through painful discipline—usually at the hands of a mentor. Now, once the person is trained and civilized, they can embark on their journey into the unknown, where they usually stumble upon a great gift of theirs, which they learn to harness to propel them through their journey of heroism. Lastly is the stage of death, which often stems from excessive pride leading the hero to make a stupid error—giving room for a new hero to arise; however, this death does not have to be physical. A hero can kill their old self through starting a new life and ridding themselves of all previous connections. In other words, a personal rebirth, which ends up strengthening their capacity for heroism, since they have to go through the four step cycle all over again.
In terms of your own life, have you allowed yourself to be the free child—living from a place of hedonism and joy? Have you undergone a strict, disciplined program to remove that entitled side of yourself? Have you used that newfound discipline and knowledge to enter the unknown and discover your talents? Finally, have you allowed old parts of yourself to die to advance your capacity for good? If you have missed any of these steps, chances are you are not allowing yourself to be the hero of your own story. As an outline to conquer the shadows inside of yourself to become the hero and see where you may be coming short, I will be using the story of Luke Skywalker, Batman, and Spider-Man to outline the hero’s journey in three specific domains: romance, shadow integration, and death.
ROMANCE
Although the tale of Star Wars, specifically the heroic archetype of Luke Skywalker, has infinite lessons within it, this section will focus on Luke’s heroic journey towards the divine feminine in A New Hope. At the beginning of the film, we witness the protagonist as an adolescent with an infant’s mentality, reacting emotionally and taking uncalculated risks. Thus, the movie starts with him in the stage of the devious infant. Once Luke ventures into the unknown—to find out more about Princess Leia—he stumbles upon Obi-Wan Kenobi, a wise elder, who begins to discipline him and show him how to become more responsible, revealing the level of the socialized man. When Obi encourages Luke to come with him on a rescue mission to save Princess Leia from her dark side captors, he is reluctant at first, but three things motivate him to take a leap into the hero’s journey: the death of his parents, the allure of the princess, and the eventual death of his mentor, Obi-Wan. After he learns about the death of his parents, Luke decides to embark on the mission of saving Leia. This step is important because his guardians had to pass away for him to accept venturing into the unknown. In other words, the familiar had to die for Luke to take a step away, obtain responsibility, and become the hero. And Luke is in awe of the princess, wishing to do whatever he can to free her from the terror of Darth Vader and potentially win her love in the process. So, she acts as a motivating factor for his decision to take the hero’s journey. Lastly, once Luke is towards the end of accomplishing his first mission, his mentor, Obi-Wan, gets killed by Darth Vader. This is actually the most important step for Luke, because now nothing stands between him and the unknown. Previously, Obi-Wan would constantly prepare Luke for the dangers of the unknown and answer all his questions, but in doing so, he never really allowed him to find his true power. In this removal of the guardrail, Luke discovers his power in the form of utilizing the force and blowing up the Death Star, not only saving Leia but also saving humanity. Now that we have all the plot points down and their archetypal correlations, let’s dive into how this relates to romance.
On a subconscious and personal level, I believe this heroic story can be understood as a metaphor for the internal battle it takes for man to earn the love of the divine feminine. In the story, the initial end goal is saving Leia from the bounds of Darth Vader, who represents the shadow of man. To do so, Skywalker must defeat the various obstacles presented by the dark side to free the princess. Plugging in the variables, Luke has to become aware of the existence of a dark side and then defeat it to not only save the woman from that darkness, but earn her love. In the socialization period, Luke had to become aware of the workings of the dark side and tame his childish tendencies—to get ready to defeat them. In terms of one’s own life, this entails becoming aware of the shadow sides of one’s masculinity and reducing the egoistic needs of our inner child to tackle these shadows. As the film shows, these shadows include controlling the feminine and abusing her for our own needs. In order to free the feminine from these shadows of ours, we have to learn how to defeat them. And similar to the movie, to get there, we must let the family metaphorically die and remove the barrier guarding our access to the unknown. What I mean by letting the family die is letting the trauma inherited from our parents die, such as abuse at the hands of a mother stemming from generational trauma. We have to break that lineage of abuse and trauma if we want to healthily love another person. The battle itself is another story, but the most important piece here is choosing to fight the war by cutting energetic ties with your generational trauma, aka the family. In terms of removing the guardian of the unknown, one must cut ties with that person who often gives them advice about everything, especially romantically. In essence, this person is stopping you from willfully walking into unknown territory, where one has to make tough decisions and learn hard but useful lessons. Get to a place where you feel like you can trust yourself to willfully walk the dangerous path of unknowingness, because in that place you will find your true powers. And nobody can defeat the shadows you find in yourself but you, so unfortunately you have to walk that path alone. In terms of actually battling the shadows, such as one’s need to control a woman or verbally abuse her, you first have to allow yourself to see the shadows inside, not repress them. For example, recognizing a thought of control or an energy to verbally attack, rather than continuously pushing it towards the back of your mind. Like Luke had to wrestle with an underwater creature strangling him before he could defeat it, you have to let those shadows strangle you a bit before you can cut off their head. The more you start defeating these internal shadows demanding control, the more your ability to healthily love the divine, free-flowing feminine will increase. And as the movie shows, the less she will feel constricted and upset about your shadows, restoring peace and freedom in the process.
In terms of your own life, think about this story and what pieces of the hero’s archetypal journey you may be missing. The answers to this may enhance your ability to cultivate a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship.
SHADOW INTEGRATION
Batman Begins serves as an excellent metaphorical portrayal of one often forgotten portion of the hero’s journey: the integration of the shadow. In essence, this concept means using what was once a deeply dark component of one’s life as a means to disperse more light. In terms of Batman, he has a phobia of bats and a deep rage for criminals—since his parents were killed by a mugger right in front of him. Rather than cower away in fear and become a horribly angry person, he chose to use these shadows to do some good in the world. Just like bats used to scare the shit out of him in real life, he chose to become a bat in the form of a superhero to scare those who needed some scaring. Additionally, he chose to repurpose his rage for criminals as a means to make his city, Gotham, safer for the good people constantly in danger. If Batman just went along with these two repurposed shadows, he would have become a monster himself, scaring and killing people without giving them a second chance at life. This is where integration comes in, which entails combining the repurposed shadow with a form of light. Batman’s father was known for his huge heart, through being more concerned with charity than he was with his own power. Batman shared this quality with his father, which he ends up using in combination with his shadow, refusing to kill any of his enemies and offering them a second chance at life. Thus, in the creation of Batman, Bruce Wayne had to not only confront his shadows, but also integrate them into his identity along with light.
I believe this confrontation with one’s shadows and learning to use them for good is the essential component of the socialized man. This stage of the hero’s journey is where one must cut ties with their childish, egoistic impulses and become molded into the hero they wish to be. The only way to get to this place is to become aware of one’s dark side and learn to use it for some good. In terms of my own life, I used to feel like a victim about the trauma I experienced as a child, as well as being a drug addict due to a bad psychiatrist and the pressures of society. Once I reframed these dark events as a calling for heroism, everything shifted in my life. The compassion I gained for those with childhood trauma fueled my desire to help them. And the deep pain I experienced as a drug addict caused by bad psychiatry created a rageful wish to offer spiritual, philosophical advice to those in pain, hopefully reducing their need for drugs in the long run and lessening their vulnerability towards becoming victims to the seductive allure of pharmaceuticals. Thus, repurposing the pain from my childhood trauma and the anger behind my drug addiction, as well as combining them with my deep compassion, created an integration of shadow that now fuels my mission in life: contributing to the global conscious awakening through increasing awareness and love to each person’s inner child, as well as encouraging spiritual practices and sharing philosophical wisdom that will aid in reducing one’s desire to solve their pain through using drugs.
DEATH
This section will discuss the new Spider-Man film, No Way Home. So, if you don’t want any spoilers, you have been warned! At the end of the movie, after literally saving the world and falling in love with his dream girl, Spider-Man is left with a choice: either have the whole world forget who he is or open the world to potentially more harmful chaos. As a true hero, he chooses the former. With this choice, he enters the last stage of the hero archetype: death. Although he does not physically die, by having everyone he loves not recognize him anymore, he loses his whole previous life, essentially dying in the process. However, in this new unknown territory is where the hero can start a second journey, amplifying their capacity for heroism in the process. Away from all previous connections, more focus can be placed on the mission at hand as well as towards discovering new sides of oneself away from the past. Turning this concept inwards, I believe this is a key component to any sort of spiritual or psychological awakening, which in and of itself is the hero’s journey: you must be willing to let your old self die in order to give room for the higher self. And often, this comes with throwing away all sorts of old connections to get there.
In my own life, I had a very comfortable life in New York City—good friends, a nice house, a supportive family, etc. But throughout my time there, something kept itching at the back of my mind, telling me to let everything go in order to sprint forward. And by sprint forward, I mean becoming the best version of myself as fast as possible to serve my mission as ideally as I could. Finally giving this voice power, I chose to cut all ties with the past and walk towards the unknown: starting a life in a new city where nobody had any clue who the fuck I was. In this uncomfortable unknowingness, I was forced to discover who I truly was since I no longer had constant reminders of who I used to be. After several painful, lonely months, I started coming to terms with who my higher self was and understanding my destiny to some degree. As a result, my ability to carry through my purpose strengthened tenfold, and so did my fortitude as a person. In summary, I had to let the old me die to jump towards the new me: my highest self, serving a mission that goes way beyond me.
Although this whole article may seem like I am making myself out to be some hero, I am no hero to anyone but myself. And that’s because I had the balls to take the necessary steps to get there. I didn’t want to see myself die without becoming the hero of my own story—not for anyone else but myself. Facing your shadows and integrating them into your life is no fucking joke, but until you literally let the old version of you die by breaking off old connections and old patterns of being, you are not giving yourself a fighting chance. This separation of the past to benefit the future is deeply painful and that’s why the hero’s journey is not for the faint of heart. But if you truly want to see yourself become a badass motherfucker who genuinely understands themselves and lives by their purpose, then you don’t really have a choice.
Willfully walk towards the unknown. The answers all lie there.
