HOW POLITICAL EXTREMES BREED NARCISSISM
2 NOVEMBER 2021 (14 MIN READ)
Disclaimer: This article will provide opposing views on sensitive topics such as “woke” ideology. While I invite you to consider the words in this article, in no way, shape, or form do I believe this is the only way to think. In other words, I am not intending to force you to adopt my way of thinking. On the contrary, I encourage you to disagree and think for yourself. As a Hispanic male, I can only speak from this perspective. I do not know what it’s like to experience oppression on many levels. I acknowledge this reality deeply while I write this article.
This article will head into dangerous territory, but I welcome you to hold my hand along the way. As time goes by in this day and age, I have noticed that we have become increasingly divisive in this country. It has become almost impossible to love our neighbor if they do not align with our political tribe. Even deeper than that, we tend to immediately hate them and cast nonsensical judgments on them. We tend to only surround ourselves with people who think exactly like us, because that is who we feel is worthy of our attention. And worst of all, when a member of the opposing tribe makes a mistake, we try our best to cast stones and leave the person too broken to reintegrate into society. Why do so many of us want to see our “enemies” crash and burn? Where do these holes in our hearts come from? To answer these questions as best I can, I reflected on the part I played in this societal trend. Here is my story.
I went to arguably the most liberal high school in New York City. At this institution, teachers got fired for making racist jokes about their own ethnicities, students got reprimanded for microaggression, almost every book we read in English class was centered around race, and any student who showed opposing political views was bullied and laughed at—by both faculty and students. The worst part about all of this was that almost every teacher was white. The leaders of the school were white, and an overwhelming majority of the students were white. I clearly remember a moment where my white English teacher repeatedly blurted out the N-word while reading a book out loud, and then went on to berate a black student for making a slightly racially insensitive comment. Deeply idiotic and hypocritical moments like this happened often, but I never questioned anything. Anything I was told to believe, I immediately believed, because if not, I would be a racist, or worst of all, an “evil Republican.” Every single student at my school felt exactly the same way, creating an echo chamber that silenced any opposing voice.
Once I graduated high school and went to college, that highly liberal bubble burst wide fucking open. Since that school’s main priority was to never make students feel any bit of ideological discomfort, I never got tested. I was coddled like a fucking baby. Like the infant I was, whenever I heard a comment that was slightly unprogressive, I would feel a rage in my stomach like never before, and I literally felt like I wanted to punch that person in the face. Since I had a muscular frame and a cocky persona, I felt comfortable calling people out left and right pretty aggressively. I would say things like, “How can you fucking say that? You’re such an uneducated piece of shit.” Essentially, if anyone stated anything remotely outside of my echo chamber, I would see them as someone worthy of physical and verbal violence. Even worse, I would constantly look for signs in people that would make them worthy of my anger and horrific judgment. For example, if I saw someone with an American flag on their t-shirt, I would immediately think they were a racist fascist. I hate to break it to you, but my behavior was not normal. Rather, it was a visceral reflection of malignant narcissism, which will be the focus of the next section. Woke ideology became a justified outlet to release my anger and harm others, leading me to never look inside and see where it was really coming from: a hatred of myself. Again, this is my own personal experience—not every progressive person hates themselves or is over-the-top like I used to be.
Once I realized how much mental damage this way of thinking was causing me, as well as the problematic emotional places it stemmed from, I realized I wanted fucking OUT. No, this does not mean I’m some alt-right person storming the Capital, nor does it mean I firmly stand on any political side. Rather, it does mean I’m someone with a big heart. I’m someone who will respect you no matter what you believe in. I am someone who will sit down and listen to you even if I highly disagree with you. I am someone who can put politics aside and connect over human emotions instead. I am someone who looks for ways I can love you more than I can hate you. And most importantly, I am someone who cares more about your story than your political ideology. In my own experience, living this way feels infinitely more rewarding. I hold so much less hate and judgment in my heart for others, but also for myself. I even find myself being more effective at allowing people with opposing views to understand my side of things and take it deeply into consideration. By doing this, I learnt that shoving anger down someone’s throat to try and change them is not as effective as sharing your heart with them. I firmly stand by that way of life. Lead with love, not ego, and the world you wish to see will start arising.
I strongly believe that every person in the world should have an equal chance at living the life they want, no matter where they find themselves on the board of demographics. However, this does not mean that I have to align myself with the “correct” framework on how to get there. I also do not have to fear deviating from the narratives I’m “supposed to” immediately agree with. We each have the power to think for ourselves. Own that force and do not let anyone take it away from you. Because the minute you feel that power taken away from you, you are entering dangerous territory. If living in an “equal” world means destroying the character of those I disagree with, then I want no part of that world. So, I choose to follow my own narrative.
“Never forget that you have every right to question any individual, system, movement, or group that only tolerates you when you think and behave exactly like them.” - Africa Brooke
MALIGNANT NARCISSISM
In essence, malignant narcissism is using one’s lack of empathy for others to intentionally and actively harm them. However, since they are not completely psychopathic, they tend to treat those on their team favorably, and anyone outside their “family” much more aggressively—like they deserve their verbal violence. Two of the most common characteristics of malignant narcissists are to lie to suit their purposes and to bully others for their own advantages. In combination, they often manipulate or exaggerate information to bully someone for their own personal needs. Unfortunately, we see this behavior on both sides of the political spectrum. On the left, “social justice warriors” will dig up a ten-year-old tweet and use it to define somebody’s whole character. An ignorant joke made by a celebrity ten years ago will become enough to wish death upon them and label them as a racist. On the right, Proud Boys or alt-right aficionados will see you as worthy of physical violence if you infringe on their “freedom.” For instance, if you state that you think guns should be more regulated, you will now be seen as a tyrannical person worthy of hatred. In both cases, extremes use pieces of someone’s belief system or life to create a whole identity surrounding them. If you said something slightly racist once in your life, you are now a racist for life. And if you said something slightly against one specific constitutionally granted freedom, you are now a communist forever. Now, since you are seen as a racist or a communist, you are worthy of verbal or potentially physical violence. Since these reactions are based on no logic at all, what is the real reasoning behind them?
In short, a combination of poor emotional regulation and a concerning level of malignant narcissism. When I was that social justice warrior, I had no awareness of where my anger was stemming from. The last thing I wanted to do was attribute it to myself, so I found any excuse to expel it onto others. And calling people out in the name of “a better world” seemed like the best way to justify my anger. Even worse than this, the power trip gave me a high I was unconsciously addicted to. Growing up as a chubby Hispanic kid in a British school, I was bullied and did not have any power. Thus, reversing the tables felt so fucking good to me. I was finally gaining back the power I lost as a kid. This pleasure derived from putting someone down is a sign of malignant narcissism, but what makes it a full-blown disease is an obsession with putting people down. On the left, extremists walk around looking for any minuscule excuse to call someone out for being “anti-woke.” It’s as if they secretly want someone to show them any sign of that so they can get a personal high from aggressively putting them down. And if they can’t find a sign, they will make one if they choose to. On the right, people on the extreme look for any signs of someone being a snowflake, so they can ridicule and bully them. They too constantly wish to put themselves above others for personal pleasure. In terms of leadership, woke and alt-right leaders’ livelihood is dependent on how many people they can call out. And that’s because the more people they call out, the more people will hand them power—due to their followers needing more and more people to direct their hatred towards. This quality leads those leaders to continually find everything wrong with the world, rather than trying their best to come up with ways to unite it and empower their followers. Hatred has become more rewarding than love in this day and age, which should break the hearts of every person out there.
The last characteristic of malignant narcissism that will be explored is constantly thinking that other people are out to get you. Signs of this are becoming increasingly prevalent on the extreme right and left. Although disgusting levels of racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia exist in the world, I do not believe every single white person poses a threat to you and is out to get you. Sure, some very well might be, but to expect that every single one you encounter is trying to cause severe damage to you is simply untrue. Now, for those on the far-right and their popular conspiracy theories. No, the government is not trying to kill you with the vaccine. And no, those people who are vaccinated are not going to end up like The Walking Dead. While I do strongly believe that the Covid vaccine should be a personal choice, believing that the government is out to get YOU, Fauci is targeting YOU, and those who choose to get the vaccine are a threat to YOU, is also simply untrue. But to malignant narcissists, that feeling that everyone is out to get you unconsciously feels good. It puts you on high alert to cast your hatred onto as many people as possible. It also makes your own pain the responsibility of others.
If you find yourself identifying with a lot of this, that’s perfectly ok. But if you want to stop feeling this way and seeing the world in this way, the most important thing I can tell you is to look within. Before you cast hatred or anger on any person, make sure to check on yourself first. Ask yourself if the person at hand truly deserves all your negative energy. Ask yourself if engaging with rage and bullying is the best way to deal with the issue. Try to apply love to every situation you can, especially the ones where it seems the most difficult. Constantly try your best to see the world away from your own perspective. Lastly, and most importantly, invite yourself to feel ok with disagreeing with someone.
“[Beware of] people who pretend they know how to ‘make the world a better place’ before they’ve taken care of their own chaos within.” - Dr. Norman Doidge
POLITICS AS RELIGION
From about the ‘50s to the ‘80s in America, nine out of ten people believed in God and were part of a religious organization.¹ In that twenty-year gap till the 2000s, the amount of atheist people doubled, then tripled in the next ten years, and now keeps increasing every year. The lack of faith is also especially prevalent in younger generations. Without this sense of meaning through a higher power, atheists transfer that need for meaning to the cause that they feel most passionate about. In comes woke culture, where people without spiritual meaning can find personal meaning in the name of societal advancement. People following woke ideology feel it is worthy of all their attention and energy because it will supposedly make the world a better place. Making things even more “religious,” woke culture seems to have rule books and ideologies set in place that all followers have to hold dear and condemn those who do not follow them. “Woke” leaders will also give sermons on what of-the-moment events or causes are especially important to pay attention to and fight for. Sounds like I’m right back at church. Although this seems harmless because its mission is to make the world a more equitable place, it is quite the opposite of that since its strategies lead to immense division.
When political ideologies become religious sermons, followers of the political agenda feel the need to follow the ideologies like God’s words. Even worse, anyone who fails to follow the rules must now bathe in their sins and see if they are able to repent without exile. Since woke ideologies are now covered in religious glory, those who do not take part in the same rules are now at risk of breaking your precious worldview. This is one of the reasons why “call-out culture” can get so aggressive, because the person receiving aggression is challenging the aggressor’s spiritual sense of meaning. If you want any evidence of the danger of challenging someone’s religious beliefs, look no further than any book of world history. But the biggest danger of when politics becomes religion is that there is no room for debate. This is troubling because the essence of politics is the ability to debate and come to a consensus, but once a higher sense of purpose is attached to it, all stakes are gone and it becomes a war zone. And when your political side becomes a religious side, no room will ever exist to reach a middle ground. Do you think Islamic leaders and Catholic leaders could ever come together and agree on a combined version of the Bible and the Quran? No, because too much is at stake. Too many people live their lives based off of those rigid ideologies. Another big issue is the inability to agree with any opposing views. If you are a woke Democrat, and a moderate Republican says something sensible that you find yourself agreeing with, you do not have an option to agree with it. You must forget about that agreement and repent your sins. It’s as if resisting temptation from the other side has become like avoiding the seductive word of the devil. I believe that to heal this country, we must remove this “us vs. them” mentality, especially when it comes to politics. To do this, allow yourself to agree with various points by various politicians and not feel any guilt about that. YOU can believe whatever the fuck YOU feel is right because YOU say so, not because a certain political ideology tells you to. Break free and feel the beauty of thinking for yourself.
In terms of my own personal experience, when I was a “woke warrior,” I had no sense of meaning. I refuted the idea of God any chance I could, and becoming politically correct became my higher sense of purpose. Almost every situation I was in became painted in that light, constantly assessing the woke status of each person in front of me—always ready to call someone out for being ignorant. Each week, I would watch my favorite “woke” leaders deliver literal sermons and attack my week with whatever mentality they told me to. Whatever anger I felt internally was directed towards the “woke” cause. Any person who received my anger for not following politically correct ideologies had every right to receive my anger. And that’s because I genuinely felt like I was doing God’s work, like I was actively making the world a better place. As you can see, once politics became my religion, it gave way for malignant narcissism to run rampantly through my body. I never looked within and realized I was dealing with severe depression and self-hatred. Woke culture gives people an easy outlet to avoid looking at their own shadows, which is the biggest step to becoming self-aware and compassionate. Once I started doing the internal work, I shifted my sense of meaning to spirituality. I have worked under various shamans, attend weekly spiritual meetings, and do my own form of prayer every morning and night. The more I have fallen into this lifestyle, the less I find myself handing power to political beliefs, and the more I find myself seeing people with love regardless of what they believe in. Again, this is my own personal experience. And from this experience, I recommend being wary of replacing a higher sense of meaning with political ideology.
¹ Thompson, Derek. “Three Decades Ago, America Lost Its Religion. Why?” The Atlantic (2019).
