THE AWAKENING
20 SEPTEMBER 2022 (18 MIN READ)
Since a lot of my work is grounded in spiritual philosophies, I thought it would be interesting to not focus on how those ideas work, but rather, why I believe they do in the first place. It’s easy to dismiss the hippie who is lighting sage and going on about interdimensional elves, since making fun of them is so fucking enjoyable. Although those sorts of people deserve some of the ridicule sent their way, there’s a reason why they have those sets of beliefs in the first place. And a lot of the time, it goes way deeper than you could imagine. Yes, some people just stumbled their way into the spiritual section of the bookstore after having one too many mushrooms. And some just like having an identity that allows them to not shower or wear deodorant. But having spent time with these sorts of people, I began to learn about intense, deeply painful life experiences that broke them open to receive wisdom from another plane of reality. Whether it be someone healing from a deep suicidal ideation through psilocybin or someone learning how to communicate with the spirit of their passed loved one, there usually exists a profound life story grounded in pain that has led someone to embrace the spiritual world. Having heard more and more delicate, inspiring stories of why spiritual people have arrived at their core beliefs, I began to ask myself the same questions.
Even though my life has been boring in some regards, by digging deep into my personal history and how it contributed to my spiritual identity in the present moment, I realized there’s a rich history worth exploring. So, here, in as much detail as possible, is why I have deep faith in the spiritual plane of existence.
YOUTHFUL PERCEPTION
It all starts somewhere, and as you may have guessed, this journey started as early as my childhood. I had been attached to my mother from a very young age. I never wanted to leave her side, as I was deeply afraid of her abandoning me. Due to this fear of abandonment, I would constantly try to guess how she was feeling so I could predict her actions, such as whether she might leave me alone for long periods of time. After a lot of observing and figuring out if my guesses were right, I started to feel her feelings before she did. I would tell her about how she was feeling anxious over something, observations she would deny, but then ended up admitting a couple hours later that I was right. The more I trained this muscle, the more I could tell exactly what she was feeling at any given moment. Although this may seem like a gift of psychoanalysis, in the sense of observing one’s facial expressions and movements, and basing one’s judgments off that, I do not believe this is entirely the case for two main reasons. One, it’s pretty crazy for a five-year-old to be a gifted psychoanalyst. And two, I could tell how my mom was feeling by just feeling her walk into the house. The minute she opened the door, I knew exactly how she was feeling, without even being able to see one bit of her. This ability leads me to believe that I was energetically tapping into her field.
What began with feeling my mother’s emotions at a deep level began transferring to those around me as I grew up. There were days where I was so happy and all of a sudden I would feel my stomach drop and intense anger swell up. I later discovered that my best friend, who I spent a lot of time with, had just interacted with his father who verbally abused him. Stories like this would happen all the time, and although I had no clue what was going on back then, once I became a teenager, I sensed that I had some super sensitive antenna for the emotions of others. However, I could not talk to anyone about it for fear of sounding crazy—only my mother would listen to me, as she was nonjudgmental and open to that side of the world. As I kept maturing, I started listening to the mainstream consensus too much and began to believe that what I was experiencing could not be true, so I repressed the idea of it and kept living my life.
Unfortunately, once I got to college, I started to use my ability to feel others’ emotions as a way to manipulate them into getting what I wanted. For instance, feeling the shame and insecurities of friends and romantic interests, and figuring out how to speak in a way which would make them feel like those feelings didn’t exist. At the time, I had no idea I was using this ability; it became purely unconscious, as I didn’t want to believe it existed inside me, out of a fear of being judged. After hurting lots of people, and driving myself into a deep grief because of that, I thankfully discovered that I was using my gift for harm, like a villain. Thus, I decided to accept that I had this ability of deep empathy and dedicated my life to using it to try to heal others. The ignorance of my energetic sensitivity only led to pain and chaos, so I could not ignore it anymore. I learned to wear it like a badge, with no shame at all. And the truth is, we are all energetically sensitive human beings. If we remove our minds and the constant thoughts they bombard us with, as well as the collective resistance to the concept of energy disguised as “science,” then we can all feel each other at a high level. One of the reasons we are so divided is that we cannot empathize with each other anymore. And we can’t empathize because we are refusing to believe in our abilities to physically feel the pain of others.
In summary, my sensitivity in regards to feeling the energy of other people from a young age, and how that sentiment was ridiculed and judged by the mainstream consensus, was the catalyst in me forming an identity attached to spiritual philosophies.
Oh, yeah, there were also the dark spirits showing up as black glowing blobs, the people who weren’t really there who I saw walking around, and the communication of stuck spirits who wanted to move on to the next realm but couldn’t. However, I won’t get into all that. Some of the fear of sounding too crazy still plagues my mind…
PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCES
I have had many psychedelic experiences in my 23 years on this plane, but only three stand out in terms of their spiritual significance.
MY FIRST MUSHROOM TRIP
At around 19 years old, I had my first magic mushroom experience. At this point in time, I was living in complete ignorance of my spirituality, repressing and shaming it whenever it came up out of fear of being ridiculed and judged. As previously mentioned, this ignorance of my truth led me to hurt people which caused a lot of pain, but it also fed my addictive tendencies towards drugs and alcohol to numb the internal consequences of the false persona I was putting on. Once the psilocybin smacked me in the face, I felt as if a higher spirit was communicating through me. When I usually have thoughts, I can tell they are sparking from inside my mind and projecting outward. However, this time, I felt a voice enter my mind from the outside-in, which had a different tonality and energetic charge. The voice told me that I was deeply depressed and addicted to drugs, stemming from unresolved trauma from my childhood, and I needed to do something about it for my spiritual development. Previous to this message, I had absolutely no idea I was depressed or an addict, as I was living life completely checked out and in ignorance. The day after the trip, I got off drugs and began my healing journey.
The previous section discussed my introduction to the spiritual world, but this was my reintroduction after years of living life running away from it out of fear. After that trip, I knew there was some external guiding force watching over me, and I no longer wanted to live life ignoring its power. I couldn’t necessarily label it as God, but it felt as if it was some kind of guiding ancestor making sure my journey on this planet was going as it should. Regardless, from that day forward, I genuinely believed there was a whole other world beyond the one we could see in front of us. And that world was in direct communication with us, even if we were oblivious to it.
SANSKRIT MESSAGES
A couple of years down the line I started experimenting with microdosing mushrooms as a vehicle to become more in touch with my body and the present moment. It was working incredibly well, as my embodiment and groundedness had reached new levels. However, one morning, I got the dumbass idea to not only experiment with a higher dose, but to also mix it with my coffee. What ended up ensuing was thirty minutes of extreme madness, where it felt as if I had snorted a line of magic mushrooms, instead of having it slowly release throughout the day. During this intense half an hour, I started to see Sanskrit messages coming off of manmade objects, such as buildings, roads, advertisements, and vehicles. Obviously, I couldn’t intellectually translate the Sanskrit into English, but I did feel some sort of energetic message come alongside it. For that half hour, for every man-made object I observed, I viscerally felt the psychological intention behind it, whether it was good or bad. For example, seeing a pharmaceutical billboard and feeling the intense manipulation for personal gain, as well as the complete lie being sold. For humble vans, I felt a more positive vibration and clean energy. For something as simple as an Apple Keyboard, I felt every human intention behind every piece of its design. It got so intense after a while that I had to run over to a field, where I could not see anything manmade at all, and all the messaging and Sanskrit ceased to exist. Thinking back to this trip, it still gives me chills.
What I did learn from this trip, aside from not mixing coffee with psilocybin, was that beneath all the physical objects we see, exists both specific ancient lines of code, but also a particular vibration that manipulates us to perceive it in a certain way. For instance, think of an Audi and you can feel some sort of energy contributing to that logical ideology. Again, similar to my first mushroom trip, I rediscovered how much goes unnoticed behind what meets the eye. And this time, it genuinely felt like a whole different world: the world of energy.
HOLOTROPIC BREATHWORK
Surprisingly, some of my most meaningful and mind-altering psychedelic experiences have not come from ingesting any sort of plant medicine, but actually from my own breath. This practice, achieving altered states of consciousness through one’s breath, is referred to as holotropic breathwork. During one specific session after my mother passed away, where I went way beyond myself and accessed a different plane of existence, I felt as if my mother was physically with me, holding me and processing my grief with me. In other words, I felt her spirit so vividly that it felt as if her physical body was with me. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life, as well as the most healing. It gave me closure and emotional release for something that could have taken me decades to process. Within this different plane of reality, she also showed me my future and told me how proud she was of everything I accomplished, as well as how crazy it all turned out to be. It seemed as if she was able to access every single timeline of reality all at once in the present moment. This experience was the most eye-opening for me in terms of how whole other dimensions and timelines exist outside of the present moment on earth. Specifically, in the sense of how this timeline on earth is only one stage of our spiritual evolution in the forever and ever.
THE POWER OF LOVE
While my mother was in the hospital counting down her last few days, I started having these intense heart activations, where my heart was being broken wide open. For every person I saw, a deep love was triggered for them, where I not only immediately understood the pain they were navigating, but also saw them as an extension of myself. It’s as if someone had handed me a bottle of molly water without me realizing. Even beyond humans, I started having love for inanimate objects, such as buildings or park benches, where I understood that every particle in this hologram we call life was a reflection of the divine, or the creator of this universe. Put differently, within these heart activations, I viscerally felt as if every single bit of this present moment was all connected and contributing to the world we live in, and it was all stemming from the same source. If you are wondering how I got to this energetic place without any drugs, then let me explain the power of suffering on the heart.
If you walk into any Catholic or Christian church, what’s at the center of it? Jesus on the cross. You may think this is a sadistic way to come together as humans, but what the cross shows us is that witnessing suffering is the fastest way to open our hearts. When followers of Christ walk into the church and see their hero suffering on that cross, all of their hearts are broken open for the ceremony, in the form of having deep compassion. And since everyone in that room has their hearts open momentarily, they are all in a unison of love, where they can feel as if they are going beyond themselves in that moment, which is one of the main reasons they keep coming back. This is not a love letter to Catholicism, as I am not a fan of organized religion, but a reflection on what opens the human heart more than anything: witnessing the suffering of somebody we love deeply. While my mother was horrifically suffering in the hospital, my heart felt so deeply for her pain that it broke wide open. It was simultaneously the most excruciating amount of pain I have ever felt, but also the highest degree of love. And that extreme level of love is what created this transcendental experience of feeling connected to everything occurring in the present moment at a deep energetic level.
PLAYING WITH MAGIC
My spiritual journey has had three focal points which defy any sense of logic, hence why they seem like magic to the average person. Although to me they are not magic. They are merely reflections of the energy embedded into the physical reality we find ourselves in.
THOUGHTS OF SOMEONE ELSE
A popular old wives’ tale that has persisted throughout modern society is the notion that when somebody pops into our mind, they are probably thinking about us. After experimenting with this “crazy” tale, I discovered that it could not be closer to the truth. When somebody I knew popped into my head unprovoked, without any external trigger or association leading to that mental image, I reached out to them immediately. Every single time they would tell me about how they were just thinking about me. I used to do this with romantic interests as well with an impromptu phone call when they randomly popped into my mind. And again, they would always be shocked as to how I called them at the perfect moment. For this to work, you really have to make sure that the person popped into your mind completely naturally, so you have to dissect any potential association that could have reminded you of them. If there was any sort of association or trigger, then the “magic” won’t work. Whenever I talked about these experiences with Western rational thinkers, they always refused to believe it—immediately dismissing it as hocus pocus. These dismissals, based on what seemed like intellectual superiority complexes, drove my I don’t give a fuck muscle into fully embodying my spiritual persona. I was not going to allow ignorance in the name of “logic” to defeat what I knew to be true. For those who don’t believe in magic, I believe they have not spent enough time looking at the stars.
HEARING EXTERNAL THOUGHTS
Alright, this one’s a little trippy, so bear with me. Often, when I was with a friend or next to someone physically, I could sense thoughts coming into my mind which felt completely different to my usual ones. These thoughts usually involved insecurities and fears that seemed foreign to me. After a while of thinking I was going crazy, I started to ask the people next to me if they were feeling a certain way about something in the moment. Immediately, I was met with “Oh my god, how did you know?” Of course, I never told them I could hear some of their thoughts, as when I tried that I was always dismissed. These repeated experiences, as well as the ones mentioned previously, ingrained my belief that human beings are like antennas, catching different frequencies and forms of communication constantly. We all have the ability to transmute this information, but we are unable to because we cannot wrap our minds around how that could possibly be the case. If you really do not believe that thoughts and emotions can spread from one person to the next, then you haven’t attended enough politically charged protests where things get out of hand.
FINDING MY SOULMATE
I was always skeptical of the concept, “love at first sight,” but I was never not open to it. This skepticism transformed into a complete belief when I saw my current girlfriend for the first time, who I have been with for about two years and change. The first time I saw her, I felt myself completely melt. Not simply an adoration of her beauty, but a full body surrendering of awe and divinity. That moment felt as if I was transported back into multiple past lives where this soul in front of me was the guiding light to my story, in every story ever told. For those of you who think I’m some simp who simply saw a beautiful woman and lost themselves, then consider the fact that we both, throughout the whole relationship, have only entirely been ourselves without fault. And that natural partnership has pushed us both to become the best version of ourselves at a rapid pace. It feels as if in this dimension, all of our strengths and faults were designed in a manner to not only compliment each other perfectly, but to contrast beautifully as well. Her shadow feeds my light and my shadow feeds hers as well. The craziest part is, I knew all of this from the second I saw her. This experience showed me how spirits who have a rich history together will always find a way to reunite and evolve together. And when that reunion is formed as a romantic partnership, you have officially unfolded the ace card to life.
FALSE PROGRAMMING
I won’t go into too much detail due to the divisive emotions this topic brings up, but the COVID-19 pandemic opened my eyes to a whole new world. While some woke up to a world of fear and silver bullets offered by their heroes, Big Pharma, I finally discovered how those in power can capitalize off of sickness and disease to advance their agenda, which almost always is an extension of their power. Big corporations and pharmaceutical companies skyrocketed in profit during the pandemic, while small businesses got destroyed and those without mansions were locked inside their small homes having mental health crises. In other words, those in power gained more power and those struggling struggled even more. And when those who struggled needed help, those in power simply dismissed their issues as a consequence of the pandemic. What I learned from awakening to the truth of those in power, is that everything aligned with their agenda creates profit and more control. And guess what creates the most profit and power? A diseased population that is in a constant state of fear. The disease creates the need for pharmaceutical intervention and our fear, which is fueled by the mainstream media, makes us easy to control. (Spiritual sickness also fuels the need for materialism, as humans find other ways to plug the emptiness inside of them). For this reason, in my eyes, any mainstream instruction on how to stay healthy is designed to keep you sick, both for their profit and control over you. I mean, for fucks sake, the guiding nutritional hierarchy recently released for Americans listed Frosted Mini-Wheats as one of the healthiest foods you can eat.
I’m not arguing that the COVID-19 pandemic was some spiritual experience, but what I am arguing is that for those who are awake, the pandemic showed us the true nature of those in power and what they need from us to hold onto their control. You can split the population after COVID into two camps, those who got even more scared and trusted the government more, and those who started to realize that most of their fear was an illusion manipulated by the mainstream agenda, which made them trust all branches of power even less. If you find yourself in the camp of fear, that is your karma and the experience your spirit chose for this lifetime. I welcome your feelings of anger and discomfort towards my opinion because that is what you came on to this plane to experience. For those who have woken up, do not take your foot off the gas. We are in the era of the great awakening, and those in power have never been more afraid. Stop questioning your instincts and please hold on to any sense of spirituality that the mainstream consensus has not beaten out of you yet.
Tranquility, discernment, and a deep trust in the divine are the three components of spirituality that those in power do not want you having, as they remove the mechanisms of control. However, what they don’t realize is that the more they try and beat those things out of us, the more we are called to strengthen them. To strengthen them, we must remove all the false, fabricated perceptions that have been forcefully installed into our consciousness, so we can arrive at the core truth of humanity: we are all one and time only exists in this moment right now.
